Tuesday, September 26, 2006

There is a job boom in Alberta, Canada. This isn't a secret and it's mainly in a single area, energy. It seems a lot of people are dropping out of school in order to get a high-paying job, I have no problem with this. I am a high school drop-out who, in fact, took grade ten three times, three times. Admittedly, I was there for the social aspect of it by the time I entered into grade 9, and even before. I had forsaken higher learning for friends, music and drugs. I wish I could say I had a good time of it but, honestly, that's not the truth. What happened was that I got into an abusive relationship which deadened my drive to be and thrust upon me a sense of inferiority that I still struggle with to this day. Even now as I type this I am constantly hitting backspace to replavce the letter "i" with the word "I." It's a constant battle. 

The happenings during these years taught me many, many things. 

Now, in Alberta, Robert Klein, Premier, was hosting a conference concerning how to stop children from dropping out of high school for relatively high paying jobs. This is when the Premier began convalescing about his own youth, saying that one of his biggest regrets was how he dropped out of high school to join the military. He's the premier of Alberta, an educated celebrity. I'm not sure that he got his point across as he wanted to. 

I'm not sure where this headspace (school is the key to a bright future) comes from but it is misguided. When someone is in a job, even a monotonous one, they are learning through living, they have some kind of hobby, something they do in their free time. Through these things they are learning about the world, or at least a small bit of it. The key, I think, to learning while doing what you enjoy is to push yourself past what is presented to you, remain active in your sphere and work. Play as work, it's not something most people want to hear about. 

The mentality that makes an individual remain in the same place, doing the same things, and stagnate, is bred into people within the school system. All the way up to the end of high school, students have teachers who direct and control the curriculum with, normally, little or no input from the students. It's not until college and university that they are given the freedom to choose what it is they're studying and how they study it. 

Sunday, September 17, 2006

I've begun watching Star Trek: TNG recently, starting with the first season. The first episode is fantastic and I was surprised that I had never seen it before, I understand where Q popped up and how he began testing picard, now. The Third episode, (Encounter at Farpoint being double episode) was the one where they all get drunk a la some kind of infection as happened during an episode on the original series with James Kirk, everyone flirts and Data gets laid. It's actually a pretty disappointing episode, considering it's the second ever original eposode of TNG. One would think they would use something more along the lines of "ship goes boldly where no-one has gone before" rather than a novelty, sitcom-style episode, but hey, it's not my show. 

I look forward to the fourth episode.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

In a book I am reading, one line went like this, "One possesses in another person only what one changes in him." Except, when reading, I made out that fragment as if it were about loce instead of possession. A question formed as I read:

Is love a form of possession?

My first instinct was to answer "yes," because of a feeling of propriety I have towards my wife. At the same time, I wonder if these feelings, while certainly connected, are distinct and independant of one another. If the pained, stolen emotion I perceive when even a small part of her drifts toward another, the welling up of that proprietary feeling, is not directly love, but a cause of love, then isn't the statement I thought I read false, even if the actual written statement were true?

When one gives one's self to another person, one is not possessed unless one is accepted. If both parties give themselves over to one another, then a true bond of love forms, a requited love. If then, each person possesses the other in the manner in which he gave himself to the other, does not this exchange of possession form sort of mutual possession? 

Can Unrequited love be the same thing? In some cases I would venture to say that no, it can't be the same thing. Envision a fanatic madly in love with a pop idol. The idol doesn't know the fan and cannot acknowledge his love even in the simplest of ways. This kind of love simply forms an obsession in the fan. On another hand, a one-sided exchange of possession is possible with only side being in love with the other. Imagine a sexual slave who has given themselves over to a dominatrix and who may even love the person they have given themselves to. The domme may acknowledge his feelings even if she does not feel them stir within herself towards the person who has given himself to her. This might be an example of unrequited love as a form of possession, though it is an inverted form in which the possession is given, rather than taken. 

Monday, September 11, 2006

I met a kid with diagnosed Asperger's Syndrome yesterday. He was maybe six or seven years old and visiting with his mother and his younger, toddler, brother. I met them at daycare so they might have been there applying, touring or generally visiting (the kid used to attend that daycare and visitations from old students is relatively common) the senior preschool (read: kindergarten) room in which i was working. My first contact with Li, (another Li, not the one a staff member recently gave birth to, obviously) was positive, he was playing with some manipulatives and building a rather complex and clean-looking little structure when I called out tidy-up time just before our morning circle. His response: "I don't have to because I'm just visiting, I'm not part of that group." There were obvious problems with his view, as in it's not exactly fair to the other's if he is visiting yet not participating in the programme, even enough to clean up his toys. There was a lot of deliberation, during which I concluded that I really, really liked him and that he was also not like most of the other kids I've met, after which he decided he wanted to go see his mother who was visiting in the junior preschool room, (read: preschool proper,) which was fine for everyone. 

We go outside after circle. Li and his younger brother (I never caught his name) were outside with the juniors, who had gone out before us, and having a good time playing and arguing. Vivi, (the other staff in the seniors,) was fussing over Li's little brother as he sat oin top of the slide for some reason, I go and see what's going on:

Vivi: "He's showing me his nail polish."
Kraai: "Oh! Your toes are beautiful."
Kid: *brandishing toes at us*
Vivi: *acting strangely and walking away*

Let it be said that I dislike and disapprove of most vain accoutrements, including nail polish, make-up, plastic surgery and skimpy clothing, even in adults, though I always try to encourage the kids in their ventures. 

That said, I also agree with the liberalist view of sexuality and especially children's sexuality in which children can wear what they like despite social taboos (which I also think are unfounded, arbitrary rules.)

After Li and his family had gone, Vivi was telling me about Li and his behavior, which was abnormally violent, when she began to mention his mother's attitude toward her son's sexuality and the freedom he is allowed. I use the term sexuality as an adult would apply the term, not as a kid would. Kids dress up for fun, not for individualistic, sexual social commentary. Apparently he wore make-up, nail polish and even came to class in a dress once. Vivi was obviously disturbed by this attitude and I wanted to see his mother again and tell her how I agreed with her in principle, after learning about her views and the opposition to it in the very classroom in which I was working.

I didn't say anything much to indicate my views towards Vivi, who is a rational and objective person, a lot of the time, I think she would have heard me and dismissed me in the same moment. It's a contrary thing to say, I know, but that's how it is. I keep my views mostly to myself since they are almost always in contradiction with the ideas held as truisms in the people I surround myself with, professionally.