You: No, I don't know.
And in a flood I am reminded of our purgatory, our unsaid agreement to ignore our Issues Which Are Put on Hold. I am reminded of a precious thing that I lost, of the golden ring left in the rain. I couldn't hold on to you, and they look like such big, strong hands. I remember the abortion I had. I remember all the stupid, shitty things I have ever done and it crushes me. Suddenly, this bright, warm walk is knee-deep in mud and blood. I should remember to keep my mouth shut, to keep my casual odes to myself. My belly is cold with the remnants of a digested heart, and I miss you.
I miss you.